The Ultimate (Holy Crap It’s Last Minute But Thank God There’s Still Time) Father’s Day Gift Guide

THE ULTIMATE (HOLY CRAP IT’S LAST MINUTE BUT THANK GOD I STILL HAVE TIME) FATHER’S DAY GIFT GUIDE, 2014 EDITION

Let’s just dive right into it, shall we?

FOR THE NEW DAD

“I Make Adorable Babies Dad T-Shirt and Baby Bodysuit Set”, $36.90

Babies are always freaking cute. And do you know what’s cuter? A proud new papa. This is the ultimate T-shirt for him. And the matching baby onesie? Pure icing on the cake. I think it’s safe to say we can’t go wrong with this one. New mamas’, get this for him and let him rock it when he takes the little one out for the first time. To Target. For like 20 seconds, before he brings the little poop machine home so you can change the diaper and feed her…again. We Match! I Make Adorable Babies & Adorable Baby Adult T-Shirt & Baby Bodysuit Set (Newborn Bodysuit, Adult T-Shirt XL, Gold)

“NEW DADDY (No More F Bombs) SWEAR JAR”, $15.95

Well, this one is sort of gift for the whole family. Assess the damage via the “swear-o-meter”, and the best part? Mommy keeps the money. Truly the gift that keeps on giving! New Daddy (No More F-bombs) Swear Jar — Baby Shower Gift for Dads, &%$^#! yeah!

FOR THE OUTDOORSMAN

GOPRO HERO3+, $399.99

Get ready for a BIG thank you if you get the dad in your life the GOPRO HERO3+; he will have such a blast documenting his outdoor adventures with it and I’m sure the footage will be nothing short of hilarious. And, if you have kids? Well then, get ready to enjoy this just as much as he does since you’ll be capturing memories from never-before-seen angles. Top that with lightweight, wearable design, waterproof housing, built-in wifi and extended battery life, and you have yourself a major score. You could even check out this list of essential GoPro accessories to go with it!

Penelope is still too small, but I’d love to attach the GOPRO to my neighbor’s cats so I can catch them frolicking around in my garden at night. (I’m talkin’ to you, Harry.) GoPro HERO3+: Black Edition

COLEMAN TWO-BURNER PROPANE STOVE, $49.97

Coleman may as well named this the “ultimate no bull-shit stove”. This thing is the perfect “get-the-job-done”, “all-work-and-no-frills” cooking station that is ideal for outdoor and camping excursions. It has WindBlock system shields for maximum heat, PerfectFlow pressure-control system, PerfectHeat technology for burner efficiency and a rust-resistant aluminum-steel cook top. The adventurous dad in your world is bound to love it. Coleman Two-Burner Propane Stove

FOR THE TECHIE

WEMO LIGHT SWITCH, WIFI ENABLED, $44

Who would have thought giving dad the power to flip a light switch on and off without touching it would bring such joy? Oh, but it does. Once this WeMo switch is installed dad can power it right from the free app on his smartphone, from anywhere in the world. I know you can picture the goofy smile on his face as you imagine him flipping the lights on and off like a million times, just because, well, he can. But on a serious note: it’s great for energy efficiency, as well as to thwart off burglars, so I’d say it’s a win-win. Belkin WeMo Light Switch, Control Your Lights From Anywhere with the Home Automation App for Smartphones and Tablets, Wi-Fi Enabled

SONOS SPEAKER, PLAY 3, $299.99

Three years ago Greg and I decided that Sonos would be our gift to each other, and it is hands-down the best gift we’ve ever given or received. Here’s the deal on Sonos:

• Wireless speakers
• Controlled via your smartphone
• Unmatched sound quality
• The best part: different speakers can play different music – at the same time

Choose the size speaker that best suits your living situation (the Play 3 is the most versatile), and within minutes you can directly stream music from your iTunes library, online music services and free Internet radio. Basically, if you listen to music on any platform, you can stream it through Sonos. Start with one speaker and then add more speakers as time goes on.

Here’s how we use Sonos in our house: we have a speaker for Penelope’s room, and speakers in the downstairs of our home. We put our Dave Matthews “Rockabye” album on in Penelope’s room when it’s time for her to drift off into dreamland, while listening to Sirius radio downstairs in the kitchen. And, if Greg is working out while I’m getting dinner ready, we have three different stations going at once. Pretty freaking cool. SONOS – PLAY:3 Wireless Speaker for Streaming Music (Small) – Black

Bose QuietComfort 20i Noise Canceling Headphones, $279.00

This one could probably double as a gift for a new dad during those middle-of-the-night feedings when baby is crying. (But he better be ready to share this gift 50% of the time with new mama, too.) Bose QuietComfort 20i Acoustic Noise Cancelling Headphones

FOR DADS OF GIRLS

STAR WARS: VADER’S LITTLE PRINCESS

O. M. GEE. Is this not the ultimate gift for dads of girls? I’ll let the description speak for itself: “In this irresistibly funny follow-up to the breakout bestseller Darth Vader and Son, Vader—Sith Lord and leader of the Galactic Empire—now faces the trials, joys, and mood swings of raising his daughter Leia as she grows from a sweet little girl into a rebellious teenager.” Even if you aren’t into the whole Star Wars thing, just get it for him if you want to see his face light up with a smile. Star Wars: Vader’s Little Princess

CONFESSIONS OF THE WORLD’S BEST FATHER, $11.17

I distinctly remember when I first saw Dave Engledow’s images he took of himself and his daughter and laughing my ass off. It’s so sweet and funny it made me cry and I couldn’t wait to show my husband, who of course thought it was the coolest thing ever. “In an attempt to create an image that his new daughter would one day appreciate, Dave Engledow took a photo in which he’s cradling eight-week-old Alice Bee like a football and doctored it to look like he’s squirting breast milk into a “World’s Best Father” mug. Friends and family clamored for more.”

Even if you don’t buy Dave’s book, check out his hilarious images (but I’m sure you’ll be hooked after seeing even just a few). Confessions of the World’s Best Father

Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know, $8.44

I’m learning through having a daughter what my thoughts are on raising a little girl. If there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that I love seeing my husband with her – and that he would love a copy of this book, along with Dave Engledow’s (above). Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know

FOR THE MUSICIAN

SAMSON METEORITE USB CONDENSOR MICROPHONE, $39.99

Okay, I want one of these. This is useful not only for musicians (record vocals, song ideas, etc.), but for ANY type of creative person to record voice memos, ideas…the list goes on and on! Even in the corporate world, some people just aren’t good at pen and paper and this is a great solution. It works for PC, Mac, or your iOS device, and also, look how sleek it looks! And priced at forty bucks?! Can’t beat it, in my opinion. Samson Meteorite USB Condensor Microphone

ACOUSTIC ELECTRIC TRAVEL GUITAR WITH GIG BAG, $299.99

This is perfect for a musician on the go. Unless of course you’re trying to get your musician in your life to stay in one place, in which case, speaking from a family full of musicians, good luck with that. Just buy him the damn guitar and make him happy. Traveler Guitar Ultra-Light Acoustic-Electric Travel Guitar with Gig Bag

THE GRANDPA

“GREAT DADS GET PROMOTED TO GRANDPA” T-SHIRT, $19.95

Okay, so it’s a saying we’ve all heard before. But show me one grandpa who doesn’t have the proudest smile on his face when he receives this gift and struts around with it, huh?! Great Dads Get Promoted To Grandpas T-Shirt navy XL

Big Mouth Toys Butt Putt, Farting Golf Putter Game, $14.48

I’m sorry, but I have to put this one on here because I’ve been schooled by my husband throughout our ten year union that under very rare circumstance is a fart not funny. And you know that mentality comes from somewhere, don’t you? The “Butt Putt” is sure to provide hours of endless entertainment for the proud grandpa in your life because really, who is above laughing at a fart joke? No one I know. If you’re buying this for your father-in-law, you can watch him and your husband form an even tighter bond as they entertain themselves for hours with this thing. And if you have a son? Well then you have three generations of pure laughter and joy happening right before you, which is guaranteed to bring a tear to your eye. Big Mouth Toys Butt Putt, Farting Golf Putter Game

FOR THE CHEF

Non-contact Infrared Thermometer – Durable Digital Handheld IR Gun w/ Laser Pointer, $27.10

This gift is a win-win from my point of view: if he cooks already, he’ll love this, and if he doesn’t cook, what better way to entice him to do so than with a freaking laser pointer digital thermometer?! He gets to pretend he’s handy and burly, all while cooking the perfect steak. Slam-dunk. Non-contact Infrared Thermometer – Durable Digital Handheld IR Gun w/ Laser Pointer – Instant Temps for Industrial, Electrical, Environmental, Automotive, HVAC, Energy Audits – Kitchen, Cooking – Grill, Fryer, Oven, Wood Stove – Lifetime Guarantee

FOR THE FITNESS LOVER

“FITNESS CONFIDENTIAL” BY VINNIE TORTORICH, $13.49

“Fitness Confidential” by Vinnie Tortorich is a totally easy, perfect “guy read” for those into diet and working out. (I say “guy read,” but it was honestly one of my favorite books, too. You can see my full review here.) Learn all the tips and tricks from a trainer to Hollywood stars, without the gimmicks. With Vinnie’s sense of humor and relatable voice, your man will tighten his six-pack just from laughing. Fitness Confidential

UPGRADED WHEY PROTEIN POWDER, $69 (for a 2 lb. bag)

I love that Greg is into fitness, but I almost had a heart attack after reading the side of his old protein container full of shady ingredients. Want to introduce your man to a cleaner alternative that will be good to his body AND make him feel fulfilled? Give him the gift of Bulletproof and his body will thank you. (And ladies, check out their Bulletproof Upgraded Collagen Protein. Better looking skin, anyone?) Get Bulletproof Upgraded Whey Protein.

SONY WEARABLE SPORTS MP3 PLAYER, $88

This is pretty much the best you can get for pumping yourself up during a workout without wires getting in your way. These can be worn for running, walking, and even swimming, and are easy to load up with your favorite tunes via drag-and-drop from iTunes or Windows Media Player. Sony NWZW273S 4 GB Wearable Sports MP3 Player (Black)

THE BEER LOVER

16 OZ FATHER’S DAY ENGRAVED MASON JAR BEER MUG, $13.50

What the WHAT?! This thing is so cool I don’t even know where to go with this one. A personalized beer mug? In a GOSH-DARN MASON JAR??! With a SUPERMAN EMBLEM?!?!? I can’t think of a better combination of awesomeness. (*NOTE: this one looks like you have to act fast if you want it by Father’s Day; read the description before ordering on ship times!) 16 Oz Super Dad Fathers Day Gift Engraved Mason Jar Glasses Personalized Drinking Beer Mug Glass Etched Gift Father Gift Best Dad Ever

HOME BREW KIT

You’ve heard him talk enough about how much he’d like to try brewing his own beer. Give him a little nudge of encouragement with this Mr. Premium Gold Edition Beer Kit. It’s made in the USA and has everything he needs (and more) to get brewin’. Mr. Beer Premium Gold Edition Beer Kit

BEER STEIN CERAMIC COFFEE MUG NOVELTY CUP,

He’s all responsible and stuff in the office, but he can still keep his edge while drinking his “beer” in the morning. (Just tell him not to push for the water cooler to be replaced by a keg-o-rator if he wants to stick around at work.) Beer Stein Ceramic COFFEE MUG Novelty Cup – Great Father’s Day Gift

FOR THE READER

KINDLE PAPERWHITE, $119

If the man in your life is the opposite of my husband and actually likes to read, give him one of the best tools on the market: the Kindle Paperwhite. However, there is plenty of competition nowadays when it comes to e-readers. For example, you might buy nook ereader rather than paperwhite as it is a very good alternative. It all depends on the needs of your husband. The Paperwhite is good not only for the glare-free screen, but for the eight week battery life. Kindle Paperwhite, 6″ High Resolution Display with Next-Gen Built-in Light, Wi-Fi – Includes Special Offers

“I HEART MY LITTLE A-HOLES, BY KAREN ALPERT,” $10.99

If you are shopping for your hubby, this book is a must: it’s hilarious, raw, yet heartwarming and refreshingly REAL. It will make him laugh and prepare him for what’s to come if he’s a new dad, and make him appreciate all things crazy about his kids if he’s a bit of a veteran. I Heart My Little A-Holes: A bunch of holy-crap moments no one ever told you about parenting.

And if you don’t already follow her on Facebook, do yourself a favor and like her page. So long as you don’t mind accidentally peeing a little throughout the day when you come across her status updates.

FOR THE SPORTS LOVER

Dad’s Playbook: Wisdom for Fathers from the Greatest Coaches of All Time”

This book is wonderful for the sentimental dad, however, it requires you to have a husband who enjoys reading. I remember giving my husband “The DaVinci Code” since I was sure he’d get through it: super interesting and short chapters make it a breeze, right? And then I remember opening the bathroom door to find him passed out on the toilet with the book in his lap. I bought him a couple of books by Jimmy Norton and he managed to read those. My point is, this is a great gift – so long as your husband actually reads things. Dad’s Playbook: Wisdom for Fathers from the Greatest Coaches of All Time

THE BUSINESS MAN

This one is blank. Business gifts are pretty damn boring so I just can’t bring myself to recommend a “personalized briefcase” or any sort of crap like that. But there are some freaking awesome gifts in the other sections of my gift guide here that I’m sure the man in your world can appreciate, so, back to the fun parts!

FOR THE FUNNY DAD

IT’S NOT EASY BEING MY WIFE’S ARM CANDY T-SHIRT, $14.95

Because you’re welcome. X-Large Black Adult It”s Not Easy Being My Wife”s Arm Candy T-Shirt

Stainless Steel Shot Glasses – by Rackies, $14.95

I had to throw this in here because, well, boobs. Stainless steel boob shot glasses in a leather case, to be exact. Some women have just stopped trying to fight this or understand it, and you know what they say: if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. Just make sure he doesn’t open this one in front of the kiddos. Stainless Steel Shot Glasses – Top Quality 2 fl oz Shooter Glasses (4 Pack) With Genuine Leather Case

T-SHIRT: WORLD’S GREATEST FARTER, I MEAN FATHER, $9.97

Didn’t I already tell you? Farts always win. Worlds Greatest Farter I mean Father T-Shirt Funny Fathers Day TEE Dad Humor

That’s it!! I hope you liked my gift guide and could find something for the special man in your world. What’s your favorite one?

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